Monday, December 10, 2007

Mis suenos and mis futuras

One of the biggest things I desire in life is to be a trusting Christian, one who knows that God will look after him. This mindset is in opposition to how I've lived much of my life, of course, but I'm desperately trying to stop worrying and instead trusting in Him (hence the SHeDAISY post). This, of course, is not easy. Sometimes I think I like worrying -- at least that way I'm doing something. Taking my hands off the steering wheel, sitting idly in the car as I blindly accept that God will take care of me...I mean, a big part of me just wants to do it for myself, ya know?

I think that's why I sometimes have trouble with dreams -- there's nothing I can do to change them. The closest I can come is to worry about what happened, what it meant and why I can't remember more.

Last night's dream featured a girl whose name I know but who I've never spoken to in real life. She was exceedingly kind and addressed me as Michael -- a term of endearment ordinarily reserved only for close friends, girlfriends and family members.

This situation always freaks me out because when I see the person from the dream-- as I did this morning at church -- I'm wary that somehow they'll know. Worse, they'll confront me about it. Why were you dreaming about me when we don't even know each other? Has this happened before? and that sort of thing.

Fortunately, I've consulted with my resident dream interpretor, Nerg, who assured me that the people in dreams are not actual people. Instead, they're symbols of something deeper. When I dream of my parents, for instance, I'm actually dreaming about comfort, security or socks without elastic. Likewise, when Person X was in my dream, she represented the unknown.

Using that logic, the unknown world was smiling at me, being kind and affectionate, calling me by my full name. I'll take it. Let's trust in the Lord that "the unknown" future will be welcoming and something I should look forward to, rather than something I fear. It's time once again to take the hands off the steering wheel and know surely and clearly that I'll be taken care of.

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