Proverbs by NWHC Members

Here are some of the funny and life applicable proverbs we wrote last week.

Never wear pleated pants regardless of current fashion trends. You ill look back at pictures and regret that decision.

If you're one of those people that jogs in place at stop lights, knock it off, you're killin' the vibe.

Never underestimate the power for rich, chocolate Ovaltine.

If you need gas, get some before you run out.

A tear in your clothing never improves on its own. Attend to it immediately.

Try to find the positive in every situation.

When someone knocks on the bathroom door and you're in the tub, don't say "Come in."

An epic road trip reveals your true nature and who your real friends are.

Always leave your keys in the same place.

If you want long nails, you must stop biting them.

Double check the license plate before hot wiring your car.

If you fall in a well, don't' worry. Somebody is probably going to find you.

When someone is speeding and cuts you off they're probably on their way to the hospital to have a baby.

Soup is good food.

Do things quickly and walk away.

Do thinks quickly, without thinking and you will not be slowed down by doubt and worry.

Make a habit out of exaggerating your stories to the benefit of the main character.

Don't worry about what others may think... dance when you get the chance!

If you are physically sick about a decision/action you are about to take and your family and friends think it is a bad idea, don't do it!

When going downhill on a bike, you lose your brakes, try for the land speed record.

Sometimes "good enough" is just that, enough.

Don't start a fire in an occupied chimney.

Make peace with the songs that are in your head.

Squirrels who do not remember where they buried the acorns go hungry.

Remember the road you've come down so you can drive it in reverse.

In most cases plugging appliances in helps the process.

Peeling paint is like peeling skin after a sunburn. Once yous tart, it never stops.

Keep a running lawn mower only on grass to ensure only the lawn gets cut.

A well written pros and cons list is like a well balanced scale discerning the heart and desire.

If you want clean pants, don't feed a naked baby on your lap.

A bumper sticker has yet to change someones opinion.

Listen to people when they're talking to you.

Don't try to meet everyone expectations or you will find yourself wondering what yours are.

Thread your golden thread as you walk into the labyrinth and you will escape the mini fawn.

Your foot and a hammer do not have the same effect on a nail.

So remember your own history and you will not be lost when the path seems the same as before.

It is impossible to alert other cars your around when both your blinkers and horn are broken.

Learn to knock on the walls (or ceiling/floors) if your neighbors are being loud.

Food will not solve your problems or create happiness, but cheese comes awful close.

Stress and worry lead to gray hairs and wrinkles. Avoid both and it will be like finding the fountain of youth.

Pretend the driver who cut you off is blind and deaf.

Buying jeans a size too small as motivation is a bad idea. They never fit.

The terrible thing about patience is waiting.

Never name the animals in a town with no market.

Those who wear blue tooth while not on the phone are like finding the milk jug empty. They have the appearance of content but are only stale air.

Anything outrageous/dangerous that you are bribed to do for under $5 is not worth it.

It doesn't matter how simple a project seems on a house. It will always get more complicated.

Jaws is probably not waiting for you at the deep end of the pool.

Eat ice cream daily. It makes you happy.

Can't decide? Order the sampler.

Money always comes and goes. But hard work will bring it back again.

Don't wear socks in the kitchen if you don't like wet feet.

Like a man who stubbornly rocks a mullet, there comes a point where it is time to move on and embrace change.

Once the soles of your shoes have worn through it is necessary to use duct tape at least every three days. Otherwise - not water proof.

When being chased, run faster than the person chasing you. If this is not possible, hope you are dreaming.

Smile with your eyes...eventually something will happen.

Falling in love is harder than it looks. Remember to wear a helmet!


These are fun, funny, smart and all around wonderful! Great job everyone!!

In times of distress

Not too long after Kevin and I moved to Savannah, I experienced a time of extreme loneliness. Kevin was at school and studying all the time and I hadn't made good friends yet. I had just started a new job, not making enough money to pay bills and had months before been in El Salvador, then WA, then GA. I felt alone. Loneliness is how the devil gets to me. He tells me lies and I struggle, reminding myself that I shouldn't believe them.

During that time I began a Beth Moore study and she mentioned Psalm 20 and that it was perfect for times of distress. So I wrote it up on the wall and stuck it on the inside door of my closet. Often I would cry and I would go into the closet and shut the door and read this psalm. I would read it often and I would recite it aloud until I began to believe it.

God's word is powerful. It has transformed my life on many occasions. This is one time I needed His word and clung to it tightly. I was alone and felt desperate, but God was always there and clinging closely to me.

I hope this may help you in times of distress.

-Rachelle


Psalm 20

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.

3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah

4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.

5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.

6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.

7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.

9 O LORD, save the king!
Answer us when we call!

Computers are stupid

So I was getting on the internet sometime around the beginning of the month, you know, checking the eeemail or whatever, and I noticed something strange: I was completely disconnected. (This is strange because my computer is set to automatically connect to the network when I'm at home.) When I tried to manually connect, it told me that the security key was wrong, or that the encryption type was wrong, or that the signal strength was low. I think the signal strength message was just to mock me, and altering the other two things manually made no difference. I input the correct information, and got the same messages. So now my computer was lying to me openly. What the fizz.

Turns out that when Mr. PC wanted me to check the security key, I was supposed to move to a different tab and check a box to "enable Atheros settings," a command I neither understand nor have ever un-checked in the first place. That, plus disabling then enabling my wireless device (again), resetting the router (again), and re-typing the security key for about the fifteenth time, finally "resolved" the "problem." Obviously.

In the meantime, I've been listening a lot lately to a guy named Shane Claiborne. He has worked for Mother Teresa and Willow Creek, helped found an urban Christian community in Philadelphia, and written a number of books, among other things. It's easy to see that he's different (when he spoke at church I kept staring at his homemade pants, which look very much like regular pants, only backwards), but one of the things that most impressed me about him was his willingness to move past cynicism.

Cynycism and I go way back. Runs in the family, I guess. It seems pretty popular in Portland, too. Claiborne says that cynicism doesn't take a lot of energy, and I agree at least that it can be easy to default to once you get in the habit.

The thing is, you will never run out of things to be negative and annoyed about, if you are in the business of being negative and annoyed. Life is full of potential aggravations. Like computers. But your angry response is not predetermined; like it says in that one TV show, you always have a choice. Choose life.

Last day on earth

I was driving to work a few weeks ago, listening to the radio and one of the Christian stations posed the hypothetical question, "What would you do if today was your last day on earth?" Now I've heard this question before. Haven't we all? But when I heard it the other day, I really thought about it. I've been thinking about it for weeks. The first thought I had was that I definitely would not be going to work on my last day alive. I would spend it with Kevin. He is my favorite person in the world and I would want to be with him.

A week or so later I heard another thing on the radio talking about Jesus coming back to earth. Then yesterday, in light of the recent severe earthquakes, Kevin in I were discussing if this could be the end times. I hear pastors preach often, that Jesus is coming back. That the time is near and we should be ready. I usually think that I'll reach my 70's, living a long life, until I see grandchildren and the iPod become lame and ancient. Then Jesus will come back. Or maybe he'll come after I'm long gone.

Yesterday I thought, "What if today was my last day on earth, because tomorrow Jesus comes back?"

I suddenly had deep compassion for everyone in my family who doesn't have a relationship with Jesus. I imagined myself in Heaven, asking Jesus where my father was and wondering if my brother was there. What if I got there and the people I love the most weren't there? Suddenly, I wanted to drive to WA right away and scream at them and tell them, that Jesus is the way, that he loves them and that they need him. Of course, if I ran up there and started screaming at them that they need Jesus, they'd probably all think I was nuts, judgemental and just plain mental. But at least I wouldn't die and be in heaven wondering where my family was.

I guess in the end I realized that I'm not praying with conviction or telling people about God's amazing grace as much as I want to. I need to change my attitude.

The reality is that Jesus will be coming back. And one day, it will be my last day on earth.


"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."
--Joshua 1:9

God's strength

It's only 4pm and yet I've had one of the best days and one of the worst days in a while, all rolled into one.

This morning, when I arrived at work, I was able to see and hear Coblie Caillat and Five For Fighting live. At work. That was cool. They are so extremly talented that I am in awe of how God has created such beauty in a human voice. I was elated.

After that, I returned to the real world of work at my desk and received the final straw that broke the camel's back (in this story I am the camel and that back is mine). I was furios and contemplated what it would feel like to yell, "That's it! I've had it!" and storm out the door. But I didn't.

How is it that God has created me to have so many emotions all in one day? I know he is at work here, but I'm having a hard time hanging on to just that. I need more grace and more hope here. Father, help me.

So often, when God places a call on one of His children, it requires a separation between the old life and the new life. There is a time of being away from the old in order to prepare the heart for what is coming. It can be a painful and difficult separation. Joseph was separated from his family. Jacob was sent to live with his uncle Laban. Moses was sent to the desert.
- OS Hillman

I am hanging onto the hope that God has placed a special calling on my life. That he has a plan for me and this is just a tiny spec on the map that will be my life. In order to make it through this desert time, I must press into him. That is the key.

Psalm 105:4 - Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.

The wherefore of whining

I like to complain about our health care system--it just has so many problems--and I'm not the only one. I'm sure it's surpassed baseball in the nation pastimes rankings. In truth, though, the health care around here is astonishingly effective. For a knee/shin problem, I got to take a 20-minute nap and listen to classical music. Afterward I was handed dozens of pictures of the inside of my leg. The inside. And now we know what the problem is. How is that not fantastic? I could go on and on with other examples, but I won't.

This all reminds me of a study I read about once, one that involved cyclists riding many miles over a course of multiple days, sort of a Tour de France type idea, except it wasn't a race or in France. Anyway, they found that when the cyclists were made to undertake moderately taxing rides, and provided with lots of amenities (food, nice sleeping arrangements, etc.), they
complained a copiously. After all, it was still a difficult endeavor; they were putting in long rides, and undoubtedly suffered numerous aches, pains and inconveniences. However, when luxuries were stripped to a minimum and the riding was made to be more taxing, the riders' whining nearly ceased. They were too busy focusing on the task in front of them. It makes sense that when life is easy, you can afford to address all manner of imperfections, and when it's hard, you just deal and survive; but it makes an odd situation where the more pleasant life becomes, the more whining takes place.

It makes me wonder: do I complain because things are so terrible, or because my life is normally so soft and plush? Perhaps it's time for an attitude check.