A tiny taste of Heaven

Have any of you ever been walking through life, casually minding your own business, when a tiny bit of Heaven just drops on you?

Sometimes for me that has been a shaft of light through storm clouds or a sunrise or something like that.

Last Wednesday it came on NW 21st Ave on my way to happy hour through the inconspicuous guise of NPR.

Apparently this last Monday something virtually unprecedented happened at the Metropolitan Opera House. An audience was so moved by a performance that Peruvian tenor Jose Diego Florez gave an encore. They played part of his aria and my heart caught in my throat.

I have no idea what the premise of the opera 'The Daughter of the Regiment' is, or what Florez was singing about, but I think I may have come to a complete stop on the sidewalk while I just basked in the sound of that song. The sound felt like tangible beauty, and has been haunting me since Wednesday night.

You can listen to his performance here: http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=89884693.

I have no idea why this song made me feel that way, but moments like that remind me that the Kingdom of God is pressing in all around us, if we are only aware.

Everyday Love...In lieu of country music metaphors...

I have a perpetual need for change… I used to call them “commitment issues”…I tried to resolve them by getting a tattoo about 5 years ago. While I felt I had accomplished something profound by committing to something for a lifetime, and do not regret my tiny tattoo, I still have this urge to be constantly in the process of change, and forever on the verge of something new… This leads to a lack of decisiveness for fear that I’ll make the wrong decision and end up stuck in something (which makes career choice infinitely more complicated, hence my still being in school).  I was really afraid to get married.  The thought of it used to make me literally feel nauseous, and I nearly vomited on a handful of occasions that I can remember when the thought of it was too overwhelming.  This was coupled with the fact that I did want to get married and have a family eventually, but I didn’t think that would be for a long time... but low and behold God put someone in my life that I wanted (past and present tense) to be with forever…So I got married…commitment issues solved for good…go me…  Ok, not quite that simple… I still have this need for change…no, not in my choice of spouse, I’m very happy with that decision, but I still feel this restlessness in life that keeps me wanting to be going new places, seeing new things, meeting new people, and when I’m not doing that I get restless.  I have this deep down feeling that if I lead a “normal life” I’ll have failed… Weird, right? (can anyone pick an idle that fits this description?) I remember listening to the song “This Everyday Love” by Rascal Flatts on my wedding day, and tearing up because it was that love that I was about to embark upon, and it was that love that I wanted…The “ordinary, plain and simple, typical, everyday love”.  No need for anything too fancy, just the everydayness in itself is beautiful.  The wedding was great, but it wasn’t just the event that I was really looking forward to, in fact it was a relief to have it over.  So I get that love…everyday…and it is truly beautiful… Yet still in life, I feel restless, and while now I have someone that will share in my adventures, I still get frustrated when we’re not having one.  I’m like that in my faith too.  I want to be on the verge of something, learning something, doing something cool for God like moving to a different country or something (is that really for God or for me?..).  This gets to the point where I forget to receive his everyday love.  If I’m not doing something profound I feel abandoned by God.  When I’m not on the mountaintop, I wonder where He’s gone.  I know its me that spins in circles and I forget to pay attention to the daily blessings.  I get too focused on what I’m not able to do right now (or on what I am doing that seems meaningless) that I don’t even do the things that bring me closer to God on a daily basis.  Just because I am where I am doesn’t mean I have to be stagnant in my faith.  I can be still without being stagnant.  I really need to learn how…We can talk about our idols all we want, but naming them doesn't make them easy to fix I guess...