In times of distress

Not too long after Kevin and I moved to Savannah, I experienced a time of extreme loneliness. Kevin was at school and studying all the time and I hadn't made good friends yet. I had just started a new job, not making enough money to pay bills and had months before been in El Salvador, then WA, then GA. I felt alone. Loneliness is how the devil gets to me. He tells me lies and I struggle, reminding myself that I shouldn't believe them.

During that time I began a Beth Moore study and she mentioned Psalm 20 and that it was perfect for times of distress. So I wrote it up on the wall and stuck it on the inside door of my closet. Often I would cry and I would go into the closet and shut the door and read this psalm. I would read it often and I would recite it aloud until I began to believe it.

God's word is powerful. It has transformed my life on many occasions. This is one time I needed His word and clung to it tightly. I was alone and felt desperate, but God was always there and clinging closely to me.

I hope this may help you in times of distress.

-Rachelle


Psalm 20

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.

3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
Selah

4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.

5 We will shout for joy when you are victorious
and will lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.

6 Now I know that the LORD saves his anointed;
he answers him from his holy heaven
with the saving power of his right hand.

7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.

8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.

9 O LORD, save the king!
Answer us when we call!

God's strength

It's only 4pm and yet I've had one of the best days and one of the worst days in a while, all rolled into one.

This morning, when I arrived at work, I was able to see and hear Coblie Caillat and Five For Fighting live. At work. That was cool. They are so extremly talented that I am in awe of how God has created such beauty in a human voice. I was elated.

After that, I returned to the real world of work at my desk and received the final straw that broke the camel's back (in this story I am the camel and that back is mine). I was furios and contemplated what it would feel like to yell, "That's it! I've had it!" and storm out the door. But I didn't.

How is it that God has created me to have so many emotions all in one day? I know he is at work here, but I'm having a hard time hanging on to just that. I need more grace and more hope here. Father, help me.

So often, when God places a call on one of His children, it requires a separation between the old life and the new life. There is a time of being away from the old in order to prepare the heart for what is coming. It can be a painful and difficult separation. Joseph was separated from his family. Jacob was sent to live with his uncle Laban. Moses was sent to the desert.
- OS Hillman

I am hanging onto the hope that God has placed a special calling on my life. That he has a plan for me and this is just a tiny spec on the map that will be my life. In order to make it through this desert time, I must press into him. That is the key.

Psalm 105:4 - Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.

Redoing it

Sometimes on Facebook, people will write things on my wall, or comment elsewhere after me, and then delete the post. It disappears, but the funny thing is that I still get an email telling me what they wrote.

I empathize with those people. I've long wished for the ability to take mulligans in life--I did as a two-year-old when I dropped my water pistol off the front deck just to watch it fall, then later when my brother and I were kings of the Tandy Color Computer, and getting it right in a game often entailed multiple restarts, and later again in college as I tried to figure out how to run a good cross-country race. And yes, most of the time in between, I had the same wish. But the problem with reality is, even if you ignore it, it doesn't go away; and the reality is, whatever happens can't be taken back. It's just history. Granted, I like history, but this principle of irrevocable linear reality still frustrates me.

The crazy thing is that God forgets my sins, thanks to Jesus' death and resurrection. God forgetting sins hardly seems possible, much less probable, in the context of our lives and given that He's omniscient and holy and all that good stuff. But it's true. "'This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.' Then he adds: 'Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.'"

There, mind-blowingly, is my mulligan. I aim to make the best of it.

p.s. No, I will not reveal the contents of deleted Facebook posts.

Hey team,
I was fortunate enough to be chosen to read the call to worship at church on Sunday. The text is below. Thanks to those whose ideas influenced mine --

I’m worn down by words sometimes. I think this is one of the devil’s better tricks. I talk so much, I read so much, I hear so much that words lose their meanings.

So I’ll read a psalm where David thirsts for the Lord, and his thirst seems like no big deal.

Yeah yeah, he’s thirsty, I’m thirsty, we’re all thirsty. I get it.

Then I’ll read about how God is the mighty rock and that won’t matter either.

I’ll read about the river of God being full of water and no, that meaning won’t connect with me either.

Then a day will come where the meaning does hit me. One day I’m spiritually in the desert, this hopeless middle-of-nowhere place where I’m starving and dying and a million other intense adjectives and there’s nothing I can do about it…Nothing that is, except long for God.

And those are the moments when my mind and heart rediscover their ability to feel, taste, and live in truth. Suddenly I understand that when David says his legs are in clay without God it’s because he literally cannot move without God. That when Jesus says He is the light of the world, it’s because He is the only thing that can be seen in an eternity of pitch black. Suddenly the idea of hungering and thirsting for righteousness, of hungering and thirsting for God…suddenly I realize that the desert is teaching me a thirst far better than any earthly quenching; the desert is teaching me that, in my deepest parts, I was made to crave--and to know--the Living God.

I’m not talking about yearning for God only when the chips are down. I’m talking about voluntarily entering the desert, being on my knees, sprawled out and asking to drown in His love every single day. It's about learning to live in longing for Him, and knowing that whether my day is good or bad, He saves me. Everyday He saves my life.

Granted the Sox season is over now, but...

Actual text message exchange between myself and my friend Julie before game 7 of the ALCS on Sunday night:

Me: Don't stop believing Jules
Her: I can't...they won't let me...

I thought that was perfect -- not as a description of the Red Sox, necessarily, but of God. Every time I've wanted to stop believing in Him, He's done something that keeps me from losing faith. I can't stop believing in Him...He won't let me.

(and sure, the Sox lost...but that seems a bit irrelevant, now doesn't it?)

Keep the faith

Several months back, I used the 2004 Red Sox as a metaphor to illustrate my point that "the fun is in the faith." The point was that, as the Sox began their incredible, never-been-done-before comeback from a 3-0 deficit, I couldn't be bothered to believe it possible. Same thing happened in 2007 when they came back from 3-1. It's like I believed I'd somehow be rewarded for dropping my faith. Instead, in each case, I ran from my faith. In each case I wound up feeling silly. The Red Sox came back from waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back and I found myself wondering why I'd bothered doubting them in the first place.

This behavior also surfaced in my walk with the Lord, of course -- those times where I really wanted to believe, but found it somehow too risky to believe in the improbable, in His power.

* * *

Probably the biggest thing I learned in the past year was a corollary to that last bit: if I'm going to say I believe in an all-powerful God, I need to act like it. I need to believe it. For the past several months, I did that. Even if things didn't wind up the way I wanted them to, I believed they could. I believed that all things were possible through the Lord.

Earlier today I was thinking about the 3-1 series deficit the Sox were facing this year. I was tired of reading the pundits talk about past Sox comebacks. As far as I was concerned, they were cooked. Everyone on the team looks tired and the difference between this year's situation and past years, I was quick to point out, is that this year's team is less talented than their competition (unlike 2007 vs. Cleveland and 2004 against the Yankees). Between injuries to several key players and generally being not as good as Tampa Bay, I figured this season was over. I didn't even plan to watch the game.

But Mike, I internally dialogued, doesn't this contradict your newfound belief, in, well, belief? If you believe all the crazy, improbable things in the Bible, if you truly believe that all things are possible through Christ...I mean, is it so hard to believe a baseball team can win three games in a row, even with inferior talent?

For more than two hours, there looked to be no reason to believe. Through six innings, the Sox were down 7-0 and had two (2) hits. My friend Meg and I just wanted the game to end early enough to be able to see The Office. Then, despite my lack of faith, I was rewarded: the Sox, down to their last seven outs, scored eight runs to win game 5 and complete the greatest postseason single game comeback in 79 years (!)

Winding down afterwards, I couldn't help but think about how this again mirrors my walk with the Lord. After the 2007 baseball season, I promised I would never again stop believing. Obviously that didn't happen. Again, I feel silly for ever doubting. It will, I'm sure, be the same thing with my relationship with God. I'm sitting here, trying to convince myself that I'll never stop believing in Him. Thing is, someday I will doubt him again. It might not be an overt thing where I actually say aloud "I doubt you, God," but my actions, my inner beliefs will say those words.

But you know what the greatest thing is? Even when I have trouble believing, God loves me, and cares for me and prays for me. I'd love to be able to say "I will always believe, with all my heart," but it's probably not true. Even when it's not true, though, I know He is there for me. In my absolute weakness, when I have lost all belief, when I cannot find even a glimmer of hope, that's when He is strongest. And for that, my friends, I am more thankful than anything else.

Decent chance this post ticks you off

The Presidential election is I believe one month from today. I cannot wait for it to get here. Sure, I’ll miss the endless partisan YouTube and email forwards telling me that Candidate X is stupid, doesn’t know how many states there are, claims to read every newspaper, etc. It’s going to bring a tear to my eye when I can no longer hear friends argue with each other on issues about which they don’t actually know that much. Believe me, all of this is going to bring a tear to my eye.

Here’s the thing: I can’t help but wonder why Christians start freaking out when their party looks like they won’t win. To me, the subtext of this mindset is something along the lines of “everything is going to go wrong if Candidate X is elected.” I know it’s easy to fall into this trap with anything you care about. I’d imagine there’s a more productive mindset to have.

Which is:
God’s power is big. Huge. Beyond adjectives. Regardless of what political party is elected, He can handle it. I don't know much, but I know that.

Call me crazy.

What I learned from The Dark Knight (non-spoiler edition)

Like so many others before me, I thought of the Jersey shore during Batman: The Dark Knight. One of the movie’s major themes is that evil fights hardest after it’s been challenged. The moment you try to bury it, evil shifts into a new gear that’s more intense than ever. Noticing this, I thought of the Jersey shore –

See, I was at my parents’ beach house in Brigantine a couple weeks back. Rinsing the sand off my feet, I for the millionth time noticed the difference between the white sand (which comes off really easy) and the black sand (which has to be scrubbed off and sometimes doesn’t rinse off at all). Something hit more during this rinse off: the sand was like sin. The white sand is the sin you can clean up just by adding a little focus and prayer to your life. But the black sand…this is the sin that cuts deep. This is the stubborn sin, the kind to which you have to pay complete attention. You have to meditate on it, pray about it, work with your Christian brothers and sisters to hold you accountable. It’s not going to easily go away.

I think that’s what I saw in Batman. Without giving much away, I’ll tell you that the good guys thought evil would vanish away like white sand: it’s gone after a light brushing or a quick rinse. Turns out it they were dealing with black sand, that deep-seeded stuff that won’t go away without extreme effort. Oh, but when it does disappear…that’s the best thing ever. Evil can fight back harder than ever but what’s worth noting is that good is stronger than evil. You just have to be obedient and have faith in that. As it says in James 4:7, “Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

Let’s make that devil flee today!

Visual of the week

Step one: Picture Scrooge McDuck's Money Bin.
Here's some help if you're having trouble doing so:


Step two: Recall that God is rich not in terms of money, but in terms of mercy

Step three: Instead of picturing Scrooge swimming in his money...


...picture yourself swimming in God's mercy

Bible verse to start you on your week

1 Corinthians 2:9

However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"

Romans 15:13
I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

Mis suenos and mis futuras

One of the biggest things I desire in life is to be a trusting Christian, one who knows that God will look after him. This mindset is in opposition to how I've lived much of my life, of course, but I'm desperately trying to stop worrying and instead trusting in Him (hence the SHeDAISY post). This, of course, is not easy. Sometimes I think I like worrying -- at least that way I'm doing something. Taking my hands off the steering wheel, sitting idly in the car as I blindly accept that God will take care of me...I mean, a big part of me just wants to do it for myself, ya know?

I think that's why I sometimes have trouble with dreams -- there's nothing I can do to change them. The closest I can come is to worry about what happened, what it meant and why I can't remember more.

Last night's dream featured a girl whose name I know but who I've never spoken to in real life. She was exceedingly kind and addressed me as Michael -- a term of endearment ordinarily reserved only for close friends, girlfriends and family members.

This situation always freaks me out because when I see the person from the dream-- as I did this morning at church -- I'm wary that somehow they'll know. Worse, they'll confront me about it. Why were you dreaming about me when we don't even know each other? Has this happened before? and that sort of thing.

Fortunately, I've consulted with my resident dream interpretor, Nerg, who assured me that the people in dreams are not actual people. Instead, they're symbols of something deeper. When I dream of my parents, for instance, I'm actually dreaming about comfort, security or socks without elastic. Likewise, when Person X was in my dream, she represented the unknown.

Using that logic, the unknown world was smiling at me, being kind and affectionate, calling me by my full name. I'll take it. Let's trust in the Lord that "the unknown" future will be welcoming and something I should look forward to, rather than something I fear. It's time once again to take the hands off the steering wheel and know surely and clearly that I'll be taken care of.

The God of hope

In the past two days, I've had my car sideswiped in the middle of the night and the light stolen off my bike. My immediate reaction in this situations is always one of disappointment and mini-depression. Who sideswipes a car and fails to leave a note? Who steals my crappy bike light? Is this why there's a lack of trust in the world today? Is this the way the world is headed? Is this what Portland is really like?

But then I do myself the favor of remembering that I'm being looked over by the God of hope, that my current disappointments are not the end of the world and that, during the valleys of life, God is building me up for a peak.