Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Things going through my head at 5:30 in the AM

As I woke up this morning, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was supposed to attend to my Wednesday morning Bible Study. Any 5:30 wake up call is intimidating. It’s even worse when a) you know you’re going to be running on less than five hours sleep; and b) you habitually fall into a pit of despair when your sleep is this limited.

With that in mind, I had divided loyalties this morning. A part of me wanted to go to church. A part of me wanted to grab an extra two hours sleep. I asked the Lord what I should do. No particular response.

Then something my roommate Dane once told me popped into my head: When you feel the urge to talk to someone – a friend, complete stranger, whomever – about Jesus, you shouldn’t doubt that urge. If every decision you make is motivated by either God or Satan…well, I think it’s pretty safe to say the idea of telling others about Jesus does not come from Satan. I can’t imagine that’s his strategery.

With that thought in my head, I knew I needed to suck it up and get out of bed. Like the idea of telling others about Jesus, the idea of me going to church could not have been prompted by Satan.

Examining this thought process further, my internal struggle is reminiscent of that described in Galatians 5: 16-17,

So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.

My sinful nature desired another two hours in bed. Obviously being fully-rested for work – as my “sinful nature” desired – would not have been a bad thing in and of itself…but it also would have kept me away from what the Spirit wanted me to do (attend the morning Bible Study). I’m pretty sure the Spirit is the one I want to continue following. Call me crazy.

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